


dying to show me to my grave

by cjmasim



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: And Lots of It, Angst, Gen, Getting Together, M/M, Minor Character Death, Murder, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 21:43:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17231720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjmasim/pseuds/cjmasim
Summary: The Winter Classic is only five days away when Charlie finds Pasta dead in the locker room. Unfortunately, he's the first of many.





	dying to show me to my grave

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE heed the warnings. The descriptions aren't _too_ graphic but I would still advise you not to read this if you're at all sensitive to death, murder, knives, violence, and/or vague references to suicidal ideation. No shame in clicking away. (Also, as far as warnings go, I suppose my portrayal of cops is more positive than it maybe should be, but it makes sense in the context of white hockey players.)
> 
> As for the "chose not to archive warnings" bit, I don't want to give away whether or not any major characters die, but you can view the end notes if you want/need to know and don't mind spoilers.
> 
> I didn't think I'd ever write a fic this dark about real people, but one conversation with someone (who knows who she is) and somehow this happened. It was originally just straight–up crack, but the angst just came out of nowhere and demanded to be included, so here it is. (I really wanted some Matt/Charlie angst after the game against the Leafs and that hit by Hyman, though this is not at all what I had in mind lmao.) This is still kind of a crack fic, though.
> 
> This _probably_ isn't necessary since it's locked, but if you or someone you know is represented in this fic (even as a minor untagged character aka anyone on the Bruins), please do not read this. This is very much fictional.
> 
> The title is from The Reaper by As It Is. Ha... ha...
> 
> (This is the point where I'd normally say "enjoy" but, uh,,)

The Winter Classic is only five days away, and it’s getting to the point that Charlie is starting to feel really bad for Anders. He knows how badly Anders wants to play in this game, and how crushed he’ll be if he doesn’t get to. Truthfully, Charlie worries whether Anders will ever be the same if he doesn’t get to play; he’s heard of too many guys who never found their motivation after one crushing blow, and Anders has already been through too much in his short career. He doesn’t voice these thoughts, though; he knows he’s probably just being dramatic. Anders can handle himself. Besides, Charlie should really be worrying about his own ability to play; he’s missing tonight’s game against New Jersey with yet another injury. This one’s minor, sure, but he doesn’t know if it’ll heal in time, and he really wants to play in this game.

Anders texts him that morning, for the first time in the last few days. It’s nothing coherent, just _aitch_ , but Charlie doesn’t question it. Anders doesn’t make sense half the time; he’s learned to just accept that.

They never play the game that night.

Charlie and Matt arrive early, even though Charlie’s just sitting in the press box, to film a video announcing their charity campaign with Jack Eichel. Charlie’s the first one there, and what he finds in the locker room nearly makes his heart stop.

Matt comes running down the hallway, yelling something. Charlie thinks he’s asking if he’s okay, but he can’t really hear him, can’t really hear anything, actually, and he thinks – he thinks that’s _blood_ that he’s standing in. It’s certainly something red, and yeah, no, it’s blood. There’s blood everywhere, pooling on the locker room floor, and a body lying just a few feet away from him, blood gushing out of his neck, and it’s – it’s not just some random guy, Charlie realizes distantly. It’s Pasta. Pasta is lying dead on the locker room floor, and Matt is holding onto him, trying to pull him out of the locker room, but Charlie is frozen, can’t look away no matter how much he wants to.

–

The locker room is closed for the police investigation, and the Bruins’ games for the rest of the year are all postponed, though the Winter Classic is still on. The rest of the guys begin to arrive for practice; nobody bothered to text them, since there was too great a risk of the news getting to the public earlier than the police want it to.

Charlie spends most of the evening with Matt glued to his side, trying to make sure he’s okay; he’s not in shock anymore, but he’s struggling to get the image out of his mind. Matt tries to talk to him, asks him to help him pick out a new tie online, shows him memes to distract him.

He doesn’t notice that four of his teammates – five, _five_ , Pasta’s still – don’t actually show up. Noel, Heino, Marchy, and Jaro are all missing from where their teammates have gathered in the hallway of TD Garden, and it’s not like any of them to be late.

–

Charlie wakes the next morning to two texts from Anders. The first reads simply _jam_ , and the second _Bro I heard about what happened and I’m so sorry you had to see that. This is fucking scary and you know I always have an extra bed in my hotel here for you if you want it_. 

He’s not quite sure what Anders means by the last part until he gets to the rest of his missed texts. There are several from Matt (along with nine missed calls), Charlie’s parents, Z, and Bergy, and reading through them, Charlie’s heart sinks.

Noel, Heino, Marchy, and Jaro had all been found dead in their homes, killed by a knife to the throat in the same way as Pasta. There had been no sign of a break–in. They’d all had a suspicion, but to have it confirmed –

His parents are begging him to come home. Z and Bergy are updating him and asking if he’s okay. Meanwhile, Matt seems more concerned than his parents.

_Charlie are you okay_

_Dude please answer me_

_I knownjrs fuckifne early hit if you don’t ext me back I awesr to god_

_text me back please_

_don’t make me call you_

_CHARLIE_

Charlie calls him, and he picks up on the first ring.

“Charlie?”

“Hey,” he says, and Matt breathes a sigh of relief.

“Thank fuck, oh my God,” Matt says. “You weren’t responding and I was so scared, man.”

“I’m okay,” Charlie says, even though it’s not necessarily true. “I mean – I’m alive, anyway.” His voice breaks a little as he says _alive_ , knowing that so many of his teammates – his _friends_ – aren’t, and he feels so weak. It’s stupid, he knows, given all that’s happened, but he can’t help hating it.

“Okay,” Matt says. “Okay.”

They stay on the line for a long while, saying nothing, and Charlie gets the feeling that Matt is trying to calm himself down. He wants to say something, wants to be _useful_ , because Matt’s already done so much for him and he feels so helpless, but he just – can’t.

“I’m coming over,” Matt says eventually, and Charlie doesn’t try to stop him.

-

They spend the rest of the day together in Charlie’s apartment. He’s glad to have the company; it’s been lonely while Anders has been in Providence, even with as much time as he spends with the guys. He’s never much liked being alone.

Matt is scared, terrified, even, but he tries not to let Charlie see it. He couldn’t hide it that morning, but now that they’re together, he’s acting as if nothing ever happened. They’re playing Xbox, and Matt is cheering every time wins a round of Chel, but it’s not the same; his cheers sound hollow, fake.

Charlie knows he should be scared. By all accounts, it sounds as though there’s a serial killer targeting the Bruins, and there’s plenty of reason to believe he could be next. Yet all he feels is numbness. His friends are gone, really gone, and there’s nothing he can do to bring them back. And every time he closes his eyes, all he sees is Pasta, and he just – 

“I don’t know how much longer I can live with this,” he whispers, startling Matt into pausing the game.

Matt throws the controller down, moving closer to Charlie and opening up his arms. Charlie lets Matt hold him, lets him rub soothing circles on his back while they sit in silence. He doesn’t say that it’s going to be okay – they both know that it’s not, not really. Maybe if the killer is caught, but they don’t have any leads, and if it happens again –

“We need to check on everyone,” Charlie says, leaving Matt’s embrace to grab his phone off the coffee table. “What if – “ he can’t bear to say it, but Matt knows what he means anyway, grabs his own phone and starts furiously sending texts.

They get replies from most of their teammates within minutes, but there are three who don’t respond even after multiple attempts.

“Sean was really upset about Danton, I’m sure he’s just avoiding everyone,” Matt reasons. “And Millsy’s not that great at using his phone anyway. He’s probably fine.”

“It’s not like Jake not to respond, though,” Charlie says quietly. Matt nods.

“You’re right. But – things are different,” he says. Charlie can tell Matt’s trying to convince himself just as much as Charlie, but he tries to take comfort in his words anyway.

“Maybe we should – " 

“No,” Matt says before Charlie can finish his sentence. “We’re not checking on him.”

Charlie doesn’t ask why not.

It’s not that he wants to find another one of his teammates – like _that_. He would give anything, _anything_ , to be able to forget, or even better, for it not to have happened in the first place. But they can’t just leave Jake – what if something really is wrong?

Matt clearly suspects that something is wrong. Otherwise, Charlie knows, he’d be all for it.

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Matt says.

–

Kevan’s wife finds him, and as soon as the news gets out, someone alerts the police that Sean and Jake aren’t responding.

Three more dead, all in the same way as the first five.

The police come around early the next morning to question everyone. Charlie and Matt haven’t even gotten out of bed yet, but the police let them go easily enough, and when he’s free, Charlie checks his phone. 

His parents still want him to come home, but he tells them he’s safe with Matt, and besides, he can’t walk out on his team.

There are a few more texts from Anders as well.

_Bjork_ , the first one reads. Charlie really isn’t sure what to make of this one, but he supposes it’s probably autocorrect’s fault.

_Dude u need to get out of there. I’d be scared shitless if I were still there. Please just come stay with me._

_At least tell me ur okay_

Charlie responds this time, having forgotten to yesterday. Anders never sends serious texts, and to send two of them in such a short time? He must really be worried.

_I’m with Gryz_ , he says. _I can’t leave everyone. But I appreciate it bro. Just stay safe where you are._

“Did they tell you what they suspect?” Matt asks.

“What, that they think it’s one of us?” Charlie asks. He means the team, of course, not _him and Matt_ , but the idea alone sends a shiver up his spine.

“Bullshit,” Matt says. “I don’t care if there’s no evidence of a break–in, there’s – there’s no way.” His voice cracks a little, and Charlie can tell he’s having a hard time keeping himself together – not that Charlie isn’t.

“I don’t want to even think about it,” Charlie says. “It’s probably just someone disguised as a police officer. Easy way to gain entry into someone’s home, right?”

Matt almost smiles. “Those two years of college did you well.”

“Funny how four years did nothing for you,” Charlie says, and for a second, it almost feels like everything is normal again.

–

Bergy doesn’t check in on them that day. Krej, Ryan, JFK, and Torey all fail to respond to texts, too, and at this point, Charlie isn’t even surprised when their bodies are found.

Matt slides onto the couch wordlessly, and Charlie joins him in an instant. He just feels numb, like none of this is even real, but he holds Matt close as he cries into his shoulder.

“You didn’t have to try to be strong for me,” Charlie says eventually.

“You didn’t see your face in the locker room that day,” Matt says, so quietly Charlie has to strain to hear it.

They sit in silence a while longer – they seem to be doing that a lot, these days, but what else is there to do when nothing makes sense? – and eventually, Matt speaks again.

“Remember the first practice of your freshman year?” He asks, and Charlie is surprised at the question.

“I guess,” he says. “Why?”

“You remember what I told you?”

Charlie thinks. Matt told him a lot of things that day; it had been his first as captain, and he’d taken his job very seriously. Still, Charlie knows exactly what he’s referencing.

“I said I’d always look out for you,” Matt says. “I meant that, you know. I may not be your captain anymore, and you’ve technically been here longer than me, but – I’ll always look out for you.”

Charlie thinks back to Matt fighting Hyman, how calm he’d tried to be for Charlie back in the hallway of the Garden, and he knows that he means it with every fiber of his being. He thinks that he should be surprised when Matt kisses him, but it feels like all their years together have led up to this moment, even if the circumstances are far from romantic. It doesn’t last long; neither of them quite have the mental capacity for what they’re doing, but Charlie feels a little something in his chest that feels almost like happiness.

“I hope one day we’ll get to really enjoy that,” Charlie says after a moment.

“We will,” Matt says, squeezing his hand. “I promise you that we will.”

–

The next morning begins with another series of texts from Anders.

_Zeebs_

_Sorry I just don’t know what to do_

_I miss them all so much_

_And i haven’t even seen them in weeks_

_And i’m so scared for you Charlie please just come stay with me I have a great security system and I promise I’ll keep you safe_  

Charlie knows Anders wouldn’t mind if he were to bring Matt, but he still doesn’t want to leave Boston – his teammates. No one else has left yet, even as what’s left of the group chat has started to entertain the possibility. Z’s even suggested that they all meet at his place that morning – safety in numbers and all that. Charlie thinks it’s a good idea; they all do.

_Hey I’ll be fine, I can’t leave everyone. And I’m not alone, I have Matt. But I’m here to talk if you want_

Really, it would have been a good plan. They would’ve at least been able to catch the killer by now. It’s too bad they didn’t think of it earlier.

Charlie knows his mind is in a bad place when that’s all he can think when they arrive at Z’s house to find paramedics lifting a suspiciously tall body bag into an ambulance. Matt goes completely white, shaking, and Charlie holds him close as they walk up to where the police are putting up crime scene tape.

They’re told to go home, so they do. It’s only when they get back to his apartment that Charlie wonders why they were the only two to show up at the designated time.

–

Z, Backes, Moore, Brandon, Kampfer.

Charlie can’t really say he misses Kampfer, hadn’t ever liked him in the first place, but that doesn’t mean even he deserved this fate.

–

Anders texts him just once the next morning. _Yosemite_. Charlie doesn’t bother to respond.

Cave, Wags, Nordy, Tuukka. The whole team. Cassidy, Sweeney, one of the police officers who’d been questioning Nordy at the time.

Charlie and Matt are the only ones left.

It seems unlikely that the last two standing would be one of the smallest guys on the team and one who always seems to be injured, but here they are.

“Maybe it’s time we get out of here,” Matt suggests.

Charlie isn’t sure what to do. They’re supposed to be in Indiana to play the Winter Classic the next day, but with all that’s happened, the entire season has been cancelled by the league. Anders did invite him, but Charlie isn’t sure Providence is right for him. Maybe he needs to spend time with his family, or go somewhere far away, like Europe.

All he knows is that he needs to take Matt with him.

“This isn’t even over,” Charlie says, finally. “Just because everyone else is gone – we still don’t know who the killer is.”

“I guess they were wrong about it being someone on the team,” Matt says. “We already knew that.”

“The sooner we get out, the better,” Charlie says. “If they got to Z and Tuukka, there’s no way we can take them, man.”

“Get the flight tickets; I’ll go get your suitcase,” Matt says without hesitation, and Charlie obliges. 

Once he’s booked two tickets to Kansas City – he doesn’t see much of an appeal, but he figures the killer won’t expect to find them there – he heads back out into the living room to see what’s taking Matt so long.

“Ah, there you are,” Anders says, and Charlie drops his phone.

Matt’s been tied to a chair, his mouth gagged, and he’s thrashing, even as the rope cuts into his wrists. Anders is standing right by him, holding a knife like it’s no big deal, and everything comes crashing down.

The texts, the pleas for him to come to Providence, the _timing –_

“You did this,” Charlie says, surprisingly calm even as his heart is racing.

“I told you all I’d do anything to play,” Anders laughs, but it’s hollow, nothing like the real laugh Charlie’s heard so many times.

“But we had no control over that,” Charlie says. “And even if we did – what the fuck? You just – “ It’s hitting him, now, that his teammate, his friend, his _roommate_ – “It wasn’t just that, was it?”

Anders claps, mockingly. “I knew you were smart,” he says. “You should’ve just come to Providence.”

“What – “

“I just wanted you, Charlie,” Anders says, and Charlie feels his stomach drop. “I wanted to play in the Winter Classic, of course, but I wasn’t going to kill _everyone_. Just enough to spoil the fun. Then you started texting me about all the time you were spending with _Grzelcyk_ of all people, and, well, what did you expect me to do?”

Charlie knows he shouldn’t just stand here and let Anders monologue, but just like that night in the locker room, he’s frozen. Anders is way too close to Matt; if Charlie moves, he wouldn’t have time to get to him before Anders could slice his throat, just like all the others.

“I trusted you,” is all Charlie says, his voice breaking a little.

Anders grins. “Your mistake.”

–

The texts had been clues, as it turns out, though why he sent them to Charlie he still isn’t sure. His best guess is that Anders must think Charlie wouldn’t turn him in if he had known all along. He has the lists written out on paper, and he lets Charlie see them; he feels stupid for not having seen it before. They should’ve been investigating, shouldn’t have refused to believe it could be someone they trust even when all the signs suggested it.

The first day, he’d received a text that just said _aitch_. The victims: D _a_ vid Pastrnak, Noel Acc _i_ ari, Dan _t_ on Heinen, Brad Mar _c_ hand, Jaroslav _H_ alak. Every day, the first text he’d received from Anders had been a clue as to who would die that day, with each victim’s name containing one letter of the word.

He should’ve seen it, he should’ve done something, he should’ve –

He should do something _now_.

Anders is still too close to Matt, but he seems more interested in talking to Charlie. He could use that, somehow, he thinks.

If only he hadn’t dropped his phone.

“You know,” he says, keeping his voice casual and avoiding looking at Matt. “Matt just told me last night that he’d do anything to protect me. Said that in college, too. Kind of ironic, isn’t it?”

He says a silent apology to Matt, but he can’t give anything away.

“What a loser,” Anders says, stepping closer to him. He looks back at Charlie. “What could he even do to protect you? He’s a tiny fucking twink. You deserve so much better, you know." 

Charlie is trying really hard to ignore the hurt on Matt’s face. He’s stopped struggling as much, now, and Charlie wants to just reach out and lunge at Anders, but he has to play it smart; he’s not the one with the knife.

“Why don’t we just get out of here?” Charlie says. “We can go to Providence like you said.”

“Now that’s what I was hoping you’d say,” Anders says, the same soft grin on his face that Charlie’s seen in so many different contexts. It’s all he can do to keep the casual smile on his face, to pretend that his body doesn’t want nothing more than to hurl right now. “Of course, we can’t just leave Gryz here.”

Anders readies the knife, stepping even closer to Matt and placing it against his throat.

“Wait!” Charlie yells, praying that he doesn’t sound too desperate. Anders stops, and he has to restrain himself from looking relieved. “If you do that, they’ll frame me for the whole thing.”

“And if I don’t, he’ll just go and blab to the cops as soon as they find him,” Anders counters. “Shit, I should’ve just killed him before you walked out.”

Even as everything inside him screams in protest, Charlie forces himself to hold it in and just sigh. “Why don’t we just take him with us?”

Anders scoffs. “That won’t look suspicious at all.”

Charlie makes the mistake of looking at Matt. He’s trembling, now, and Charlie feels as though his heart’s been stabbed by Anders’ knife and shattered into a million tiny pieces. His gaze is pointed at the floor, avoiding both of them, and Charlie has to look away.

“Just – “

Before he can finish his sentence, there’s a knock on the door. Charlie knows it’s the police – they’d been scheduled to arrive at this time. Anders doesn’t know that.

“Oh,” Charlie says. “That must be the pizza. Why don’t you get it?”

Anders obliges, walking down the hallway, shoving the knife into his back pocket, and pulling his sweatshirt over it. As soon as his back is turned, Charlie goes into the kitchen to grab a knife of his own and walks back to Matt. He starts to cut through the rope, whispering to Matt as he works.

“I didn’t mean any of that,” he whispers. “Just needed to keep you safe.”

Matt’s still shaking a little, and it makes it hard to cut the rope safely, so Charlie doesn’t even make it to the second wrist before the police officer comes in. Anders had played his cards well, and the officer doesn’t seem to suspect anything yet.

Of course, Anders has noticed what Charlie’s doing, and his hand is already reaching toward his back pocket.

“Watch out!” Charlie yells, but Anders doesn’t aim for the officer. He throws the knife right at Matt, and Charlie has to make a split second decision. He shoves Matt down, tipping the chair and watching as he falls to the ground. Charlie’s sure it hurts, but the knife doesn’t hit him; instead, it plunges into Charlie’s hip, right where Matt’s chest had been, and it _hurts_ , but all he feels is relief. This wound is highly unlikely to kill him, but Matt – he’s okay, and that’s what matters.

The officer lunges toward Anders, pulling out his gun. Anders puts his hands up, and within seconds, he’s being read his rights and put in handcuffs, and Charlie is hit with the realization that it’s all over. He tries to sit, but he’s mostly just falling, holding at the knife sticking out of him, the knife that killed almost all of his teammates – all but one, the one who’s currently crawling over to him even with one arm still attached to a chair and both his legs tied together.

“Are you okay?” Charlie asks, dazed, even as Matt is clearly not bleeding and is asking Charlie the same question.

Matt tells him to keep the knife in, and the officer says that he’s called for an ambulance and that everything’s going to be alright, and Anders is silently fuming in the officer’s grip. Charlie barely even notices, the pain overwhelming him now that the adrenaline is gone, but just like that time in the locker room, Matt is there.

“You’re okay,” Matt says, over and over. “You’re okay. You’re okay.”

“You’re okay,” Charlie repeats, grinning, and Matt smiles back at him.

“You saved my life,” Matt says. “I thought you were – fuck, I’m sorry, I never should’ve – “

“No, no, it’s fine, really,” Charlie says. “It’s probably good, even. He had to believe it. But I promise I didn’t mean any of that.”

“I know,” Matt says, offering another small smile. His face is still pale, there’s a little bit of dried blood on his neck where the tip of the blade had touched him, and he’s still tied to the fucking chair, but he’s alive, and breathing, and Charlie is filled with an overwhelming sense of relief. Despite everything, for the first time, he knows that things are only going to get better.

**Author's Note:**

> No major character death, though they do come close, and I'll admit that I originally intended to kill Matt.
> 
> Feel free to yell at me here or on [tumblr](cjmasim.tumblr.com).


End file.
